Please of please don't take it for granted

I just wanted to write of the trauma of our weekend for those who wanted to know. Frankly I am tired of talking about it so i thought that this might be a better way to let people know.

I was buckling Ethan into the baby Bjorn chest carrier to get ready for a walk. Somehow (I can't quite recall how) Ethan fell out the top of the carrier. Unfortunately we were in the bathroom and he fell head first and hit the floor. Fortunately he was wearing one of those pajama bag things and I was able to catch him before his whole body hit the floor. However, the deafening crack of my three week old baby's head hitting the ground will forever stay in my mind. I lifted him back up and yelled immediately for Charles. His little head swelled immediately and I was scared out of my mind that it was blood and that I had just caused great injury. We got ice on it and rushed him immediately to the peds ER. They did a cat scan and xrays. There is a fracture in the skull but apparently no bleeding in the brain. They observed him overnight but the flood of prayers out way I am certain led to all the doctors giving a positive bill of health for the future. He acted like such a champ and behaved completely normal which is apparently one of the most important things. Everything should be completely fine so other than a headache for a while we just need to watch him. Recovery should be 4-6 weeks to heal completely. But we were extremely blessed to find out that it was not worse. I can't even express in words how grateful I am. There is no worse moment in life than to see your child hurt.

The thoughts I want to express to everyone out there are please oh please don't take anything for granted. In this moment when I was doing something routine and trying to juggle a grumpy two year old and an upset baby, I was frustrated and frazzled at the complexity and oh why me factor. I let my gaurd down. I was focused on something even just a little other than my primal concern. There is nothing i would choose to be doing than be a mother. So even in the moments when that is more overwhelming than i would like to admit, it is my choice and it has to be the most important thing at every moment. There has to be a limit to the multi tasking abilities of women. Please oh please do not forget what is absolutely important and what is the best thing to deserve your attention. It could change in a heartbeat!

Thank you to everyone who pored out their prayers on our behalf. I think it is because of this, that I was able to hold together and be strong and level headed. We love you all.

When does it stop

It is so funny how you think you will remember every little detail of the parenting process. YOU DON'T!!! Keep a journal. I am actually a really good journal keeper (probably the reason I don't update this more, basically it is like me keeping three journals-real journal, blogging for others benefits, and scrapbooking). Anyway, not even I remember to keep track of all the little things. I feel guilty for the times when I get behind.

So my plea today....when is the grunting phase over!!!! I feel so bad for newborns as they try and adjust to all these new sensations. In my opinion, pooping out substance basically like water, shouldn't be that hard, but if it were up to my son, if would be a marathon! I can't wait till he gets in control of that and lets himself sleep peacefully at night!!! Here is a pic of the noble efforts. And a slighlty cuter one of his big sister smothering....I mean LOVING......Ethan!

Official Announcement

Click on it to enlarge.

Ethan Austin Graf

So here he is. The newest miracle to our family. I must say that I am a rush of emotions. With Audrey I had some pretty severe post partum depression. Surprising since I don't really consider myself a real hormonaly emotional person. I don't think it is the same this time. There is a moment every day right about when the sun goes down that a little trickle of fear hits my stomach. It is hard to be so tired and to have the uncertainty of a long night ahead of you. All you want to do is sleep, and newborns don't always go right back to sleep! Fortunately Ethan has pretty much been perfect up till this point. He sleeps A LOT! Something we didn't really get from Audrey. He actually can't even stay awake long enough to drain both sides while feeding! (sorry sure all the men out there want to know these things right!) Found out today he is tongue tied though and that is why I am so sore. With some helpful feeding direction and hopefully a tongue clip in a couple days we will be well on our way to doing MUCH better.

I was scheduled to be induced at 6am Friday morning. FYI, this was a great idea. We were the only people there almost all day and felt very taken care of. It was great. They checked us in right away had us do the paperwork. I was hooked up to an IV by 6:30, broke my water at 6:45 and was on to my first contraction by 6:55. I made it about an hour and a half without an epideral. He came in at 8:15 because I was worried that I would end up going so fast that I wouldn't have time if need be. Audrey's labor was only 4 hours and everyone predicted this would be faster. I was already dilated to a 4 almost a 5 by the time I was induced. The epideral didn't fully reach everything so he came back in and added a little something, which proceeded to render me completely numb from the ribs down for the next 5 hours! I am glad I was able to push and that it was effective, because I sure had no idea that I was actually doing anything. Having to watch people lift your legs for you and move you around, and not even being able to sit up straight is a completely humiliating experience. I felt like one of those 300 pound people that just have skin that wobbles all over the bed and stuff. It was not my favorite feeling. However, I am totally certain I would do it again over the pain of labor!

Ethan was born at 10:17 am totally the entire process from first contraction about 3.5 hours. I am pretty lucky. He was a healthy 7 lbs 14 oz and 21 inches long, making him smaller than Audrey but longer. He has very dark hair and darker eyes than I remember seeing on most newborns. It will be interesting to see how he turns out. He looks a lot like Audrey in most of the ways he moves his face but I don't really know who he looks like. I am not that good at telling these things, unless it is an exact likeness.

We are all doing really well and hope that everyone's holiday was amazing. We are so grateful for the best joy that can be imagined! Thanks to all your love.

5:30 AM MORNING OF

AUDREY GAVE A GREAT BIG SMILE WHEN SHE FIRST SAW HIM, GAVE HIM A HUG AND KISS AND THEN MOVED ON TO MORE SERIOUS THINGS

THE BOYS WATCHING FOOTBALL TOGETHER

AUDREY IS ACTUALLY GREAT WITH HIM AND IS EAGER TO BE A GOOD HELPER.

WID AWAKE LOOKING ALL MANLY

Fall Pregnancy pictures

So I am about two weeks from delivering and I wanted to get a few little belly shots of the family. We headed out to Tule Springs last week to try and catch some fall colors. Audrey was pretty much a nightmare. Well, I think it was that she was just overly distracted with all the fun things to look at that it was hard to get her attention. Usually she is little miss model! We will see if she does better with the new baby! I think we still got some super cute pictures though! THANKS JAMIE we really appreciate it!

Here are some of my favorites.

My little Model

Here is my little girl posing oh so perfectly for me to test the light for a photoshoot!

San Clamente

Here is the massive amount of pictures from our trip down to San Clemente at the end of September. I went down without Charles for the week with my parents to stay in our timeshare and enjoy some beach time. Charles was able to join us on the weekend and actually got Audrey to enjoy the beach, whereas she was mostly scared of the sand when she went with me. We had a blast even though i suffered from major soar throat and flu, sleep deprivation, and loads of frustration at driving, heat, pregnancy, and being a single parent for most of the week. Although my parents were wonderful and I would say we survived out one room tiny quarters with positive memories.

Motherhood brag moment

Audrey has been able to identify and say all of the main colors (rainbow and a few others) for a few months now. I was impressed by this. I don't really read a lot of books or anything so I don't know if I should be overly proud at this learning triumph or not. Is 18 months a normal time frame to know this sort of thing?

Well, after she had that down pat I figures we better move on to bigger and better things. So we rehearse the alphabet and numbers on a regular basis. At first she wouldn't even say 3 or "w". Then she had her favorite numbers, 2 and 9 and her favorite letter "o". Then we swiftly in the last couple of days became really good at saying all of them.

Last night Audrey counted from one to ten in a row, very distinctly all by herself!

Is this normal, should I be as amazed as I am? Well, I still am!

A fun Day

Pregnancy

How funny life is. There is nothing that changes your life as a woman more than pregnancy and children. The first time everything is so exciting and new. You dutifully run out to get the "What to expect" books, you ask your doctors all your concerns. You NEVER forget to take your prenatal vitamins, you eat well knowing that it all feeds your growing baby also. You count each week to the day and record every little change and movement. You don't even really mind the kicking once baby gets bigger and more powerful because it is all so magical.

Then you hit the last three weeks and you can't sleep, you can't breath, you can't stand it anymore. Then you go into labor and you swear that you will never do this again!!!

Then they hand you this little bundle of joy, and all of a sudden your hormones hits the ROOF!! Not only are we fooled into being fine with no sleep, and endless crying. But changing diapers ever 5 minutes, because that is how often newborns poop! And then we are further fooled as your baby gets older and a little more easy to manage and we go through this certain phase of amnesia and we decide to DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

So, here I am 32 weeks. Thank goodness I only have 8 weeks left. Unfortunately my doctor told me I can't be done yet! So I guess I wait it out...and "enjoy" the kicking, sleeplessness, awkwardness, waddling, back pain after standing for 5 minutes, and all the other unmentionables that the joys of motherhood brings!!!

Recent Events

This is what my daughter wanted for breakfast this morning!!!
A bowl full of olives! So weird

We went to the cabin for conference and my heart sang to be in the mountains where it was so nice and COLD! I am so tired of being hot I could scream. Fall certainly took it's time getting here. But I am very grateful it has.

Audrey figured out already how to manipulate the system. Aly noticed no difference in pulling two people around the kitchen floor. What a trooper!

A couple months ago mom and dad brought home this fairy costume, Audrey wanted nothing to do with it and threw it across the room. I snuck it on her this morning as we got dressed and as you can see, it is too small! But, I thought ever girl needs a magic wand so we spent the morning having craft time. She helped me cut the ribbon and put it all together. She is very good at saying star "tar", and bell "bawl" and loves to gingle it around!

Labor Day weekend we had all the Graf's over for a super yummy crepe breakfast and swimming. Josh slaved over the stove till everyone had their fill. I kept asking him if he wanted someone to take over, or water, or a fan, but he pulled through it!

I want to apologize to the world of dog lovers. I just don't get it, but I suppose I am glad that there is another level of companionship in the world. I just wish it weren't so dirty, loud, hairy, and smelly! And that didn't run over my little daughter!

By far Audrey's favorite pastime is to look at "pi-chures" I can almost never get anything on the computer done without her walking up and incessently repeating this word till I let her take over and run the screen saver for her of all the pictures. She can sit there forever and just watch!

Our biggest news of the summer is that Audrey took swimming lessons and it helped her to learn to swim totally on her own (with the swimmer floater) Call me crazy but for a 20 month old that is pretty impressive. She is amazing at it. I swear that overnight it all clicked: to kick, use her arms to keep herself upright, and direct herself, and is totally confident. I don't even really have to watch her. The one downfall of the experience is that by going to the rec center, we think Audrey caught something or was exposed to more chemicals than her little skin could handle. She broke out in this awful rash everywhere that took weeks to get rid of. She was amazing though and never scratched it. If we ever were looking at it she would knit her little brow together with a very concerned serious look and say "owies".

Audrey's second favorite pasttime is now watching Pooh! She gets the little bouncer chair and sets herself up with pillows and blanket and milk or juice and watches it on my laptop. Super cute, till she got a little too atached to it and wanted to watch all the time. I think we have broken the habit though of asking all the time at least.

Wagasky Family

Pretty Much two of the cutest things ever! Although Mackenzie was not SUPER helpful we managed to get this super cute one!